DEAR LUCY LIPPS:
I've been dating several boys (and I do mean boys) over the last few years and have never found the "right" one. However, now I think I have. He's smart, handsome, makes good money, is respectful, caring, and, would you believe it . . . understanding.
I want this relationship to develop into something more. But first I'd like to know your opinion on the question I've been asking myself for years:
How do you know who's THE ONE that will be in your life forever?
- Hopeful in Love
DEAR HOPEFUL:
Uh-oh. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Every cell in my brain just slumped. Am I going to have to drag you through a long philosophical rhubarb upon the concept of "forever" (i.e., there's no such thing as forever. . . the past is over. . . the future hasn't happened . . eternity is only in the present... etc.)? Must I reduce you to the exact figure of how many men could be THE ONE for you (i.e., with some 6,093,876,489 people on this Earth, approximately 1,298,967 smart, handsome, rich, respectful, caring, and understanding men could also be THE ONE)? To hell with it. In the time it would take me to figure all that out, you could go for margaritas and decide this guy is THE ONE. And then, babe, you would have really swallowed the worm.
Why?
Because when you decide a man is THE ONE, you shut down your freedom and focus all your desires on him. And when you focus all your desires on him, you lose the tantalizing elusiveness that attracted him to you in the first place. And when you lose your attraction, the man starts to turn off. And when he starts to turn off, you act with less confidence. And when you act with less confidence, he pulls away. And when he pulls away, you go nuts (because he's THE ONE) and cling. (hell woman, I see Prozac in your future) And when you cling, he leaves. Therefore, the answer to your question is: You'll never know for certain.
And thank goodness!
Uncertainty is the place where the Great She-Goat romps. Uncertainty is the land where tequila worms roam and anything can happen. So don't come roaring in on a Gulfstream (Jesus, there I go again spilling jetfuel all over the place!) and flatten all the mysteries. Do you think Neiman's would be as glamourous if it were in a strip mall in Cut 'N Shoot, Texas? HELL NO! I have fixed up FOUR of my most "QueenHell Vixens" (girlfriends) this year that 3 have gone to the alter (of which two of those have laid eggs and spawned) and one just got engaged as of three days ago. It's amazing to me all these women were highly educated, supermodel beautiful and could have run the country and still considered it a "part time job" --- alas, not ONE of them found "the one" without a little assistance.
You must debate this over a strict diet of Patron Tequila (shameless plug) and raw Oysters. These are the only two food groups in New Orleans. This is the only sure-fired guarantee for a logical life decision to be made. What is always entertaining is making a list of men (or in your case "boys") in your life: It goes something along these lines:
*Men I married ** Men I almost married *** All the men I have loved ** Men my Mother wanted me to marry *** Men I just wanted to breast-feed *** Men that I have considered loving and then acted like a clingly, helpless Barbie Doll and they jumped ship *** Men that I wanted to marry but I was unfortunately already married *** Men I wanted to make love to but they were already married *** Men I would never make love to if they were the last one on earth *** Men I wanted so bad that I hyperventilated in their presence **** Men that I thought I wanted... then I sobered up really fast
*** Then laugh at yourself since its easier to cope with a bad conscience than a bad reputation.